Wow, I found another interesting prophecy.

I'm killing time until I have to get ready for the bonfire tonight (and of course still hoping DTBNL is still going to be there). Anyhow, I've been reading old diary entries. I wrote this one 5/20/90.

"Reminiscing makes you wonder about the future. I try to envision myself at thirty. Chasha batEsther, Ph.d. Realistically anyways. Idealistically, at this point, I would like to change the batEsther, if you catch my drift. Although I still don't want to get married when I grow up. It's strange. I'm not nearly as cynical as I was six months ago, but I'm still cautious. I mainly want to be independent. I couldn't do that if I was married."

WOW!!!

Historical background- this was about five months into my relationship with Pete in high school. I was having this reflective period as earlier that week I had moved away from my childhood home.

But that's tangiental. How the FUCK could I recognize at 16 that I'd have to give up my independent, ideal self if I wanted to marry Pete? I certainly didn't have that awareness at 22 when I married him.

The question this brings up logically, is how do I proceed from here? I'm FINALLY becoming truly independent for the first time in my life. I would ideally like to remarry, but it would not be worth sacrificing those parts of myself I've only recently rediscovered. Is it possible to be in a healthy marriage and also be a fully realized, independent woman?

If it's not, I honestly don't think I'd be willing to remarry.

-CRbE