Yeah, I'm still here. I've just been lazy as hell. I am supposed to have no structure for four weeks (and am nearly halfway through) and I've been taking it a bit too seriously. I'm still very ambivalent about it. My therapist thinks I place way too much of my self image on what I do and how productive I am. This is why she gave me this bear of an assignment.

Anyhow, as of this morning, I have set in stone plans for August. This is something I've been procrastinating doing for a long time.

Three years ago, I went on a trip to Israel with a group of young adults. They wouldn't let Pete and I share a room, as we were one of two married couples on the trip, so they had gotten separate lodging for men and women. So I roomed with Brenda, another person who had come with her (then) boyfriend. We had a lot in common, worked in similar fields, had similar views, etc. We have kept in touch through email since. When Pete and I got separated, she was one of the people who came out of the woodwork and was just amazingly supportive of me. She had invited me to go to Florida with her and some girlfriends over the holidays, but it was at the same time as my friends were here. I've been saying I'd come and visit her when I had some time off. I've been quasi-conciously avoiding it. But now I have purchased the tickets.

My hesitation has nothing to do with her. The problem is where she lives.

Ladies and Jellybeans, I'm going back to Atlanta.

When my mom first left Michigan, this was where she moved. It is where my stepfather lives now. I cannot think of Atlanta without thinking about Mom. Plus, I know I'll be seeing Bernard there and perhaps also the new (I guess not new anymore) missus. Last time I saw Bernard was at the unveiling.

But I'm going to do this. I've slain so many of my dragons this year. This can be one more. I actually conquered the biggest one a few weeks ago. I prolly didn't mention it, as the whole Ken thing was overshadowing everything about that trip.

I had a little boo-boo with my car. I was in a very poorly designed parking garage with columns everywhere, and I cut a turn too closely. I have a nice dent in my beautiful baby. But then, we were going to the restaurant and the directions were faulty. The exit I was supposed to take wasn't marked. Now, normally, I'd be one pissed off camper at this point. Quarters can vouch here, if he was in the car this is when he would get yelled at. While I've gotten a bit better since then, I still tense up and scream and cuss at the other drivers and such. And I felt that tantrum in me. It was there. But I was able to not let it out, and then when we got there (all you can eat seafood and sushi) I was able to completely let it go.

And I will NOT use this as evidence that Ken is good for me. I will not make that connection.

-CRbE