I have come to a realization. I would prefer that whomever I do wind up with is Jewish. However, this seems to mean getting even more deeply involved in the Jewish Singles Scene. For those of you fortunate enough to be unfamiliar, let me give you what I have gleaned from just a short time involved here.

It is everyone's mission in life to find a Nice Jewish Boy/Girl to meet, marry, and have Jewish babies, which the daddys carry in public with those snuggly things, and I'm pretty sure leave for the mommies the rest of the time.

To accomplish this, they first have several venues in which to make themselves visible. There are the Jewish Singles Groups. Evey federation has one, every congregation has one, every JCC has one. One could plan their entire social lives around going to these parties, lectures, book signings, etc. There is always a Topic of Social Relevance, which is supposed to hide the obvious reason most have for being there: To find their future spouse.

In San Francisco, there are also Singles Shabbat Services once a month. Again, nice premise, but it becomes obvious that prayer is not why the majority of the people are there. When the services last an hour and the kiddush (wine and fingerfood reception, for those of you who aren't Jewish) lasts three hours, and is packed with far more people than you noticed in the sanctuary itself. The main activity here is walking in a slow, set course around the room, if you're a male wandering up to females and starting conversations, and if you're female looking available but not alone or bored.

In the internet age, there is also the Jewish Singles Right of Passage called Jdate. This is like the other online personals, but is all Jewish and is pretty much all people looking for long term commitments. Every single person I know in my local Jewish Community is on it, as well as all my Jewish Single friends in other cities. I was bored recently and put in a search in various cities where I knew people of specific ages and found just about everybody I could think of from high school to now. I should add I don't know anybody who has actually met that special someone through Jdate. I also found out this is not specific to my generation, as I found my mothers' best friend on it too.

And the most recent phenomena is called Speed Dating. You have eight minute interviews with ten 'eligibles', write down who you'd see again, and then are contacted a week later and notified of any matches you may have. Small talk is not allowed in these short conversations. You are given a suggestion list of questions, all dealing with world views and what you want out of life. It seemed most there were looking to get married as soon as possible. As I'm not quite divorced yet, I felt just a bit out of place. Yes, I feel ready for another relationship, but I'd like to be legally divorced for at least a year before I think about marriage again. I would rather wait even longer, but the reality is that by the time I'm legally divorced (now February at the earliest) I'll be 29. I still would ideally like to have two kids and to have them before the age of 35. The timing sucks.

My ideal would be to randomly and naturally meet a guy who happens to be Jewish. Ok, lie. Need to acknowlege that my ideal would be to fall in love with a man who's a quarter Jewish, but that will NEVER HAPPEN so I can't dwell on it. I would not be opposed to somebody who isn't Jewish, but it would not be my first choice. It is important to me to raise my kids Jewish. And as for somebody willing to convert, and no offense to anyone doing this for your own reasons, to me that shows an overwillingness to please the other person. I don't want another Pete. Then there's also the matter of dealing with the possibility of anti-semetic inlaws. Been there. It wasn't fun. Plus just the pragmatics. The Christmas issue. Four years ago, I had my inlaws (and of course my brother) in for the holidays. I had always said I wanted a Christmas tree one time in my life, so I got one that year. It felt so wrong and uncomfortable to have it there, not to mention it confused the hell out of the dogs. I could see Murphy's thought process: It's in the house, does that mean I can still pee on it? Luckily neither of them tried. But I digress.

I want to meet Jewish guys, but I don't want to Date Jewishly. Is this possible? I swear I am a member of the most methodical and neurotic religion/culture in the world.

-CRbE