Grrr. The levels comment was explained, and has nothing to do with what I had hoped, or should I say convinced myself, it was. It was simply about a gossipy bit he didn't know if I had become privy to yet. Damn!

Still confused as ever, only now I think it's one way. I guess I'll have to see how my visit goes. Argh! I'm not ready to stick my neck out on the chopping block, and I can't be in a relationship right now anyways. And I don't want the long distance thing. Been there done that it sucked. Yeah. Plus there's the matter of all the many friends we have in common. In particular Pete, and also Jackie who is very protective over people she cares about.

Maybe this is just a fun distraction. I don't know. I don't know if he even sees me as female. Stop it Chasha! I need to focus on my new life here. It makes perfect sense that I would want to cling to my old college life, even though he wasnt that much a part of it. This is so frustrating. I have a date this weekend. I had a really hot guy in a coffee shop ask for my number today. Prospects are here. But I can't get this dorky person who two weeks ago I would have said was like a brother to me out of my mind. What the hell is wrong with this picture?

Shabbat Shalom,

-CRbE