Ok, this is not going away.

It is SO inappropriate for me to feel this way. You can't know somebody for this long and suddenly start having feelings for them. I have been checking my email three times a day just to see if he wrote. What did he mean by enjoying my company on many levels I may or may not be aware of? He's not even my type. He's assless for Gawd's sake. And I'm a butt person. He is my friend. I am NOT in any sort of place where I can have a relationship. Yes, I want a friend with benefits, but it could never be that with him. I just got this vision or something of us together and it seemed so right. I want to say something but no good would come from it. And he's way too goody two shoes to do anything now anyways. He's friends with Pete. He has said he would never be with anyone who wasn't all the way divorced. But there were other things. I had mentioned something to Wyatt on New Years Eve when I first started noticing it. The next day Ken came up to me, started elbowing me playfully, and asked what we had been whispering about. I got the sense he had heard some of it, though I don't know how that would have been possible. I don't know what to think. This is so wrong, but it could be so great. But I can't have a relationship now anyways, and definitly not a long distance one. But maybe the opposite is true. Maybe the long distance will allow me to be in it while still developing my own life. No, but I have to see what's out there. I'm not sure he's really interested in me. I'm not even entirely sure he's straight. He says he is, but what does that prove? My gay friends think he's at least bi, but when asked he said he was straight. He is definitly VERY in touch with his feminine side if that is the case. But I don't mind that. I also know he is sensitive and I would be in a position to really do some damage here. I won't do that. I can't be the Yoko of my group. Why can't I stop thinking about him. He gave me this hug that just somehow stayed with me. I don't know what to do.

On a much more disturbing note, I have found out that one of my friends has sexual fantasies about another one of my friends. .

-CRbE