I want to write about this confusion I am feeling, and I am just drunk enough to do it now.

Is it possible to know somebody for years and years and never notice CHEMISTRY? And then all of the sudden, you do? Let's call this person Ken. I have known Ken more or less for the last ten years. On and off. Never lived in the same town as Ken, and went for long periods of time between conversations. But anyhow, Ken was always genderless. But then I was with my supposed life long partner, so I truely wouldn't have noticed anyways. Fast forward to present day. I see Ken again. Suddenly, Ken is single hetero man. I notice he's not bad looking either. But a bit more than that. I feel CHEMISTRY and if I'm not mistaken it went two ways. I thought it was just that I am missing being in a relationship and here is basically a warm body who is also somebody I care for and trust. Following that logic, once Ken left town, all would go back to normal. It hasn't.

This is very inappropriate. Ken is not somebody I should be having these thoughts about. Ken is a friend of not only mine, but also of Pete's. Ken lives 900 miles away from me. Ken is part of the same circle of friends who I consider the third side of my family. And again, I'm not sure I wasn't imagining things. I might add that Ken is also the type of person who would NEVER make the first move. And also not the type of person who I could have a casual fling with (the only thing I am capable of right now) even if he wasn't a close friend. I am not in a place to start anything serious. I'm still very much in love with Pete and very much want things to work out between us. And anyhow, Ken is even more of a moralistic prissy boy than Pete is (and if you know Pete you know what a strong statement that is) and would never do anything while I'm still married. So what is the problem here? I'm just very confused. Any feedback would be appreciated. Oh, and I got an email from Ken where he said he enjoyed the visit on "many levels I may or may not be aware of". I don't know. Help? Anyone?

Shabbat Shalom.

-CRbE