Ok, I'm going to do what a lot of people do when they have nothing real to write about, or when they are too messed up in the head about inappropriate people to write something valid.

I will give you the chronological break down of my love life. This will give you a sense of where I've come from, as well of a sense of my scary ass memory.

We open circa 1983ish. For the past couple of years, boys were gross and disgusting and I hated them (this attitude seems to return frequently). Enter a new student in my class. His name was Karl, and I don't particularly remember why, but I developed a huge crush on him. I could never admit this, as he was a lowly fourth grader when I was a sophisticated, mature fifth grader. But I would swoon about him in my Orphan Annie diary and look for 'signs' that he was interested in me. Usually stupid little things like he cut in line close to where I was, or he got my books out for me. Aw geez, I'm still doing this too!!!

Fast forward to Summer '85. I go to the world's most awesome summer camp for the first time. I meet Kevin, who is from Washington DC and is two years older than me. This is all I remember, other than I liked him. We weren't officially 'going' (a requirement of preteen love at the time) but we danced together at all the dances and sat together on movie nights. And while we didn't actually hold hands, our legs touched and we didn't move them away. Aargh. I still do that too. Anyhow, after the summer ended, I wrote him a few times and never heard back. When I saw him the next summer, his nose had quadrupled in size.

Next was (clutch hands over heart and sigh) Micah. Micah was barely up to my shoulder. But he was still dreeaamy. He was my first kiss and the first person I thought I loved. We kept in touch thoughout the year I was in seventh grade, and then stayed 'together' through most of the next summer. He eventually dumped me for being friends with his little sister, who to this day is still a close friend. Also possibly noteworthy, less than 48 hours after he broke up with me my parents announced they were separating. These two things have never quite stopped being connected in my mind.

During that year I was with Micah, I 'two timed' him. A guy named Brett (who will appear twice more) asked me to go on a Real Date so of course I have to go. He kissed me with tongue. But he was too forward for my thirteen year old sensibilities, so when one of my friends randomly called him to break up with him for me (this was seventh grade)I did not bother to correct the situation.

I then spent (gasp) a whole school year being single. I was at a single sex school, so not like there were that many options. I did manage to find Brett again at my Confirmation class party and make out with him for a bit.

The following summer, I joined aYouth Group and met Greg. Not the one I just broke up with, obviously. No, this guy was a squirrelly little shiznit who would alternate between being a total sweet talker and breaking dates and seeming entirley uninterested. We were off and on for about a year and a half, during which I hated him as much as I liked him. But we did the requisite cheesy 80's thing where I wore his lettermans jacket around for a couple of months.

During one of our off phases, I was back at camp and hooked up with a guy named Luke. This is noteworthy only because he was the first guy I really fooled around with, and more specifically the first penis I got to see.

There were a few other little crushes and short term flings in there, but nothing signifigant. Then of course came sophmore year of high school and Pete. Other than a six month or so breakup (when I once again found Brett) that was pretty much it until the last year or so, and you can read the rest of this diary to catch you up to speed there.

And back to that looking for signs thing...

NO!!! BAD CHASHA!!! STOP IT!!!

-CRbE