I had a very interesting insight today.

We had to do this presentation for our class wherein we talked about our personal cultural and family backgrounds. I was the most suprised to find out that, despite almost the entire class being under 40, I was the only person in there whose parents got divorced.

I guess to me it's always been a given. Many of them said it is challenging understanding the families of the students they work with when there are non-Cleaver situations. I would think that in this day and age that wouldn't even be noticable. But I guess that's because that is my family.

My divorce from Pete (which BTW became final last week) was the fourth divorce in my family in the last 15 or so years. Pete's parents are divorced, as are several others in his family, including an aunt with a whole collection of exes. It got me thinking about how that really affects people and their cultural identification.

Around the time that my parents separated, I completely changed cliques. Actually that's not entirely true- I was in 8th grade at the time and had a falling out with the resident bitch of my clique. I spent the next six months as a loner and eventually started hanging out with the class outcast. When I started high school I made a whole new group of friends. The only one who carried over the whole time was my friend Vanessa, whose parents separated around the same time.

Anyhow, my new friends almost all had divorced/single parent homes. It stayed that way throughout high school. The friends I had who I kept all went through it too. Ok, one girl lost her father to Leukemia, which is a bit different, but still. At age 12 just about all my friends came from two parent homes, and by 15 almost none of them did. The previously mentioned class outcast had an intact family, but she was such an oddball that an anomoly like that was easily overlooked. Siobhan's parents had been separated when I met her, but actually wound up getting back together, and amazingly still are.

College was a bit different. Of my friends there (who for the most part are my closest friends now) it seemed like they all had parents still together. The one exeption was Wendy, whose parents had divorced after she had gone to college. That was unheard of to me as well. Since then Jackie's parents got divorced (actually her dad went cukoo and took off, and after a few years of trying to track him down her mom obtained a unilateral divorce). Even with this though, I still feel like my family is more in the norm.

But I suppose this is because it's my own experience. Does it mean I take marriage less seriously? I don't think so. I had been willing to try and work things out up until Pete made it clear this was not an option. Granted that was maybe three or four months into it, but still. I fought until I ran out of ammo. That's got to count for something.

I guess one concern I have with this is that Peri comes from a family which has been completely untouched by divorce. He doesn't seem to have an issue with me being divorced, but he did mention something to the effect of "oh, you're a second generation divorce". I guess I worry that it tarnishes me in some way. Not even that I'm divorced, so much as the fact that I'm continuing a generational cycle.

I'm getting all bent out of shape for nothing. I think I'm just feeling insecure because I actually like somebody who is showing interest back. It's not rejection I fear, it is the loss of independence.

-CRbE