The other day I was having a coffee with Rob and Wendy when the conversation came up where somebody asked exactly when it was that we stopped drinking coffee to feel hip and started drinking it to feel functional. I didn't really relate to this example. I have never been a huge fan of coffee (and even now can only drink those syruppy mocha-expresso drinks that are basically cocoa with an expresso shot and thus taste only faintly of coffee). I forced myself to start drinking it when I decided that going to school and having a full time job were not things in my life that I could do one at a time. So for me, there never was that yesteryear of drinking it to be cool.

This morning I found my equivalent. I had a faculty meeting at 7 am. I may or may not have mentioned that my commute is now on the far side of 40 minutes. Anyhow, I was getting ready this morning when I had my ephiphany.

I remeber very clearly when I would put on make-up in an attempt to look older. This was usually when I was hoping to use my fake ID, but was also occasionally just for fun. Even when I was in my mid-twenties, I would make myself up for work so as to appear old enough to be a counselor.

This morning, as I dabbed concealer under my eyes and around the corners, I realized that I now wear make-up to appear younger. The side that was made up looked about five years younger than the one I had yet to start on. When was this switch? One would think there would have been a point where the intent crossed.

My guess is it happened about two years ago. When I first separated from Pete, I was so distraught I could barely eat, and I lost a lot of weight in the course of about three months. I have kept most (not all) of it off. Unlike the times I was younger when I'd lose weight and it wouldn't show that it had ever been different, this time I noticed my skin didn't quite shrink down with the rest of me. Now, I don't have sags or wrinkles by any stretch of the imagination. But there is definitly some loose skin around my mouth. I also have bags and lines around my eyes, but I think those are natural.

It could be worse. I'm genetically pre-dispositioned to:

Mom's Side:

-Jowls

-upper arm flab

-early graying

-Dowager's hump (tho my grandmother has only gotten that in her old age)

On Dad's side, I can look forward to

-deep, Shar-pei level wrinkles

I guess that's all physically. My dad, at 57, is just now getting slightly salt and pepper. His own father didn't progress even to that point until his seventies.

I wonder if I'll notice myself going gray. I've never let my hair fully grow in to it's natural color. Tho I've dyed it what I believe to be close approximations. I do let the roots go a bit too long sometimes.

Ok, that's enough of that. I'll be gone until Saturday night, so take care.

-CRbE