She's Ba-ack.

This is going to be long, so bear with me. Where to start...

Ok, I'll go chronologically.

I just spent the last eleven days with Ken. The second night he was here, we decided to go for a walk around the Palace of the Fine Arts and see it all lit up. He said that he wished he had a girlfriend he could do things like this with. Being quick as ever on my feet, I said it was too bad we couldn't clone one another. Yeah.

Well things got stranger from there. We went wine tasting with Pete and C2. That night, Pete IM'd me and made innuendos that the two of them thought they saw sparks with us. He actually said they noticed Ken looking at me in some way. As I really didn't want to talk about this with my not-quite-ex, I just told him he was smoking crack and went to bed.

Two days later was truely the most surreal day of my life. For starters, it was what would have been my six year wedding anniversary. The four of us had tickets to the Giants game during the afternoon and then to the Vagina Monologues that night.

The day started with Pete dropping the bombshell that they are moving back to Michigan together and buying a house. Wow. That alone would have been a traumatic day. But then, during a men's room trip, he took it upon himself to tell Ken that he should ask me out. How do I know this? Pete told me. Great. So now I have my ex pimping for me.

And to top it all off, C2 and I were laughing at all the same things in the Vagina Monologues. Pete must be a slow learner.

Anyhow, as time wore on, I realized I had to tell him. I was so busy trying to hide it yet drop hints at the same time that I wasn't being myself. So finally, last night, I got the courage to say something. I told him I didn't expect a response, and that if he wants I'd be perfectly willing to pretend this conversation never happened. I told him that I have feelings for him. He was silent for a few minutes. He seemed more suprised than anything else, which I find amazing seeing as he usually sees through everything I say and do. Then he tried to rationalize it. He never said he wasn't interested, but I didn't ask. He did say that it wouldn't hurt our friendship. And it didn't. It was ackward for a couple hours, and then things seemed to go back to the way they were. Which is just fine.

Now I know where I stand I can move on without regret. Plus, I can be completely honest with him now.

I'm still not sure if telling him was the best idea. When he got home tonight he emailed me saying he was home safely and thanking me for my hospitality.

My head is spinning.

-CRbE