Pete is dating somebody with my same first name. How weird is that? I don't conciously feel jealous, but I know I probably am. I don't want to be with him, but talk about fearing being replacable. She has the same name as me! For him that's a good thing, as he's totally the type who would call somebody by the wrong name. But I feel like I should be more jealous.

I must be. The past couple of days I've been thinking more about Ken again. Not like last winter, but still more than the last couple months. This would be really bad timing for that, as I'm spending about three weeks alone with him in very close quarters this summer. Actually that would be fine though, because it goes away when I actually see him. We're meeting in San Diego for his birthday (more on this later) in two weeks, and then he's spending a couple weeks here at the end of July. And unless he wants to sleep on a cot that MY feet hang off of (he's a foot and a half taller than me) we'll be sharing a bed. But I'm not worried. This too shall pass.

Ok, the birthday thing. He's turning 30. He's just the first. After this birthday, we will go no longer than three months without other people turning 30, culminating 16 months from now when it's my turn. I feel like I pissed away most of my twenties being an anti-social old married woman. I want more time before I hit that particular milestone. From the ages of 22 to 27, I had no local friends exept for Sandy. And really the last two years of that without even her. I have some friendly aquaintences now, but nobody I can truely call a friend here. Unfortunatly I think this refers to Wyatt as well. I feel horrible saying that, as he was so supportive of me last fall, but he's been pretty much a retarded dick head for the last three months. But I digress. The point is, I feel thirty is settle down age, and I've already done that. I need more time in my twenties.

-CRbE