I'm back. Lots to tell from the trip and really sucky things to tell since.

Overall I had a really nice time. Everyone who should have been there was, and no extras to complicate things. I even fulfilled my New Years Resolution. The day before we left, I found out my hours would not be as plentiful next year as I'd hoped, and I broke down and cried in front of Wendy. The first night there, we got in a serious discussion and I cried in front of Ken, Olivia, and Rob. I'd call it progress, but in actuality it's more like I'm just under so much stress right now that I've lost the defenses.

Speaking of stress, Rob gave me the world's largest mind fuck the other night. Mind you, he is entirely in the dark as to my heart's true nature on the matter. The following conversation (and notice how it doesn't even fit the topic) ensued on Saturday night. Myself, Rob, and Olivia were hanging out in the living room. Olivia made a double ententdre and then told me that I had a sick mind when I had said nothing.

Chasha: It bothers me that people project their perversions and twistedness onto me.

Rob: It fits though, because you're the one who usually thinks of it first.

Chasha: I'm not even the worst. Ken is way worse then me, and half the time shit he says get attributed to me.

Rob: Yeah, but Ken is in love with you.

Chasha: That's unrelated to...WAIT!!! BACK UP!!!! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY???

Rob: Ken's in love with you.

Chasha (trying to maintain the illusion of any sort of composure): What? You know this how? Please don't dick me around.

Rob: Oh, I'm just kidding. You take things so seriously.

AAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Why the hell did he say this? It's not at all his type of humor. Could it be a possiblilty? He was definitly hot and cold all trip. But he's the same way with Wendy as he is with me, which, and I hate this, made me really jealous. Wendy is one of my best friends in the world, and I was actually relieved that she lived out of state. What the hell is wrong with me. And it's not like there's anything there either. What kind of horrible bitch am I? I would never let a guy get between me and a friend.

Just to gage reaction, I told Wendy about the mindfuck conversation (leaving out of course the fact that I'd like it to be true). She thought it was funny. She's never seen anything to indicate there is anything there (unlike Jackie who said she kind of suspected that for a while). But, she also doesn't suspect anything on my end either, and she's usually the first person to see through me. Of course, the way my twisted mind works is that if she can't see my love for him, maybe she also just can't see his for me.

And he does treat me different from the others. He emails me all the time. He sent me an email last night to say that he was still up and sorting through his mail.

Also, one night when I was wearing a lower than normal cut top, I noticed he wasn't exactly making a lot of eye contact.

This needs to stop. Now. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!!! I had really come to accept that. Damn Rob! Kidding or not, it's hard to keep telling yourself it can never happen when you hear his best friend telling you he wants it to.

And as a bonus, I now officially owe money to everyone I know.

-CRbE