Only ten days left until Mother's Day.

I'm trying to do a lot of soul searching between now and then. I know it will never be the same (at least until I'm a mother myself) without my actual mother. Yeah, that's another thing...I thought I would be one by now. But back to my origional topic...

I have the most amazingly wonderful stepmom in the world. We've always had a good relationship, but since my separation she has been my rock. She called me every single day on my way to work for the first couple of months. She really has become a parent to me.

For a few years now, I've been toying with the idea of calling her Mom. I would feel so inately disloyal if I did. First off, great as she is, she isn't anything close to my real mom. But I don't know why I'd feel so guilty. My real mom called her inlaws Mom and Dad.

On a related note, it's truely amazing how I went so quickly from three moms to one. When I was planning my wedding, we had quite an outing looking for dresses. It was me, my mom, Cindi, and Ramona (Pete's mom). I thought it was great. Well, my mom died, and now I don't have Ramona either. This is a huge issue for me. I'm more pissed at her right now than I am at Pete. Other than calling her (on his cell phone) to tell her when he was in the hospital, I haven't spoken to her in over six months. Whenever I leave her a message (I know she screens my calls because she picked up when I called on Pete's phone) she sends me a gift but doesn't return the call. She's clearly scared shitless of me for some reason. I've really come to some disturbing realizations about her. When I was a teenager, I totally looked up to her. I thought she was the coolest mom. She certainly was non-judgemental. Quarters, I know you think our mom was too, but believe me, with me she was critical of EVERYTHING. Anyhow, I thought Ramona was this great mother. Turns out she's just a good politician. She has no spine (which if you're paying attention to the Gospel according to my dad, puts Pete at double risk for Culthood) and is nothing more than fluff in a pretty package. But again, how do you just stop loving somebody? I'm going to call on Mother's day, and I'm going to do it from the Novato house.

-CRbE