I'm not in Hawaii as planned. I was. For about a day and a half.

My husband's step brother is dead. He fell off of a boat and was found two days later. He was only 29.

This is so horrible. Everyone is just completely beside themselves. For me it doesn't seem real.

We still don't know quite what happened. How can somebody be healthy and vibrant one day and just gone the next.

Why is everybody dying all the sudden? In the first 24 years of my life, I only lost one person I was close to. In the last four years, I have lost (chronicalogically) my mother, a close friend, my grandfather, and now my brother in law.

I cannot think of one positive silver lining here. Even when my mom died, which was by far the most horrible time in my life, I could find some comfort in knowing she had done almost everything she had wanted to and had about five lifetimes full of experiences. She trekked in the Himalayas to celebrate her emancipation from my dad. She did EVERYTHING. And chances are she wouldn't have been able to do those things anymore. It's a reach, but it was a shred of comfort.

I cannot think of one single thing to find comfort in here. He was just starting out in life. He was planning on proposing to his girlfriend. He was gaining momentum in his career.

The kicker is that my husband and I had passover with my Grandmother in Florida this past April, 20 minutes away from where he was living. We played a very half-ass phone tag but never found the time to get together.

I don't name names in this diary, but I would like to dedicate this entry.

In Loving Memory of K.J.J. You will never be forgotten.

-CRbE